I have a migraine coming....

....so my child is running around the house buckkit ass nekkid, covered in ketchup (from her latest encounter with chicken nuggets), and chasing the kitten.  Earlier today, she got into a drawer and "decorated" herself with a ballpoint pen.  And she is HAPPY.

I'm sitting my butt on the couch watching Maury and eating a turkey sandwich.  And I'm pretty darn happy too (except for the impending doom in my head).  Especially since it's almost naptime.

And I am also happy to report that after a little while running around nekkid and in just underwear, it seems like my kid is fully potty trained.  It's about damn time, she'll be three in a week(ish).  We've been going to the mall in underwear, the grocery store in underwear, visiting friends in underwear.  No major accidents AT ALL.  NO accidents actually.  And she's dry at night and during naps.

So, after all this, please tell me- when is she going to be able to wipe her butt by herself?  Seriously, I thought I'd been delivered from the butt wiping but nooooo.  Oh well.  Lost the battle but won the war, right?

Makeup is my Kryptonite...

And I mean ANY kind of makeup.  Observe:

(I'm in the garage, there are supposed to be boxes in there dammit!)

What else was I supposed to do, the face painter at the mall was giving out sparkly face paint jobs for FREE!  What girly girl worth her salt can resist sparkle dust? Sure, the other parents stared a lot little bit... but that's the beauty of being a hippie.  I get to do all the fun shit.

Plus I needed to match my kid:

This is the last hole I put in my face, I promise...

I got a new piercing yesterday- a Monroe.  So far I am loving it (except for the fact that my wip is a widdle schowollen...)

My nose piercing is on the opposite side of my Monroe, so it balances out nicely.  So, whaddya think?

A tale of pools and potties...

So, life around here is pretty much back to normal.  Now that my kid is back home, I'm ready to come back from my blogging vacation!  Depression is the worst writer's block ever.  But don't worry, I'm going to the doc soon to adjust my medication.  No need to thank me, I'm here for ya'll.

Once the weather started to get warm, I came up with the oh so bright idea of not turning the air conditioning on.  I'm saving some serious cash (like, cut my electric bill in half) and now it's 80 inside my house.  But we're halfway through the summer and it's too late to chicken out now!  So we've been spending a ton of time outside, the kid in the pool and mama in her KICKASS reclining lawn chair. 

(Yes, the pool is shaped like a whale.  And it was well worth the 20 bucks.)

(The view from my totally kickass lawn chair.)

I LOVE my new lawn chair.  It was on sale for 30 bucks (down from 75) at Tarjay.  And they're so damn comfortable I feel like buying two more and putting the suckers in my living room.  Screw sitting on a boring old couch, I've got RECLINING LAWN CHAIRS bitches!

In totally unrelated news, hubby and I have decided to postpone fertility treatments (at least for the immediate future).  I did not make that decision willingly.  Yes I'm pissed, and no I don't want to talk about it.  Dammit.

Anyway...

For all my experienced mamas out there, I need your wisdom!  I'm still struggling to potty train a kid who will be THREE in less than three weeks.  SIGH.  The kid is so damn tall she's wearing a 5T, but she still wants to poop in her pants.  And for those of you who are unaware, toddler poop is like elephant poop- in size, smell, and quantity.  Therein lies my desperation.

We went to the store and picked out Big Girl Underwear, in the much coveted Tinkerbell and Dora designs.  And the wearing of the Big Girl Underwear seems to help a great deal.  The kid seems very reluctant to "...mess up my faeries!" and she actually pooped in the potty today.  But there has been much peeing of pants in my household lately.

But I figure that if my biggest worry lately is my kid's poop, I'm doin pretty good right?

MY BABY GIRL IS HOME!!!!!!!!!

And all is calm and beautiful in my universe.

Brain freeze...

By now, my absence from Blogland...

Fuck it, I have an excuse- I miss my kid so much that nothing else really matters. My ex is bringing my baby back next Sunday, and then my heart can finally start beating again.

That, and my laptop power cable bit the dust again. And I really don't have the hundred bucks to drop on a new one. I'm tapping out this post- letter by slow painful letter- on my hubby's iphone. Damn overpriced contraption.

So I'm alive. I'm in a crappy mood, but I'm alive. And I'm gonna go crack open a beer, and enjoy my remaining alone time. Dammit.

Jacqueline

Can't...stand...the...quiet!

So, this is the year my ex husband decided to actually take his summer visitation. My baby girl will be with him for the entire month of June.

So people, I hope you're not expecting me to be nice to ANYONE anytime soon.

While I'm enjoying the adult time with my husband, I'm also driving myself crazy. I'm puttering around an empty house all damn day, and every echo hear sounds like my kid crying! Yay hallucinating. And I caught myself talking out loud in the grocery store like a crazy lady... Because there's supposed to be a kid in the cart seat talking back to me dammit!

Hubby and I are driving to see her in two weeks (we get a weekend with the kid during my ex's month) so I just gotta keep hangin on until then.

My house is REALLY clean though. I forgot the carpets were beige. I finally took the leap and bought a Dyson vacuum- I'll tell you what, a 400 dollar vacuum cleans like a 400 dollar vacuum.  Worth every overpriced penny.

In other news, because I am a total dumbass, I managed to snag my nose screw on my nail and pull it all the way out. PAIN. So, I tried to put it back in. Hubby tried to put it back in. No dice. Drove my butt all the way to downtown, piercer couldn't get it back in. So now I have a HOLE IN MY FACE and my nose feels nekkid. And I have to let the damn thing heal up for a week or two, then go get it REpierced. SIGH. Damn this whole beauty is pain thing.

I also decided to use my downtime to start running again.  RIGHT.  I looked outside the other day at the rain and wind, decided that I wanted to feel like a real Marine again and went for a limp jog.  There's this great little gravel track that goes around the outside of base housing, and I managed to jog-walk-limp-repeat my way around for a mile and a half.  I can't believe I used to run 20 miles a week when I was on active duty!  I need to get my shizznit together! 

Anyway, I'm off to tackle that giant pile of dishes that's taunting me from the kitchen.